“It’s OK, I wont have a break…”

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I can almost guarantee you that these words have passed the lips of every nurse, at some point in their career.

This topic arose following today’s diary entry: https://choosetransformation.files.wordpress.com/2019/04/100419-1.mp4

Like many nurses, I work 12.5 hour shifts. My commute is 1 hour and 10 minutes each way. I wake up at 05:00, leave the house at 05:45, I get in again at 20:15 and usually go to bed around 21:30. Therefore, on a working day I am awake (ish) and on the go for 16.5 hours with little time for anything else.

Of course there are many good features of shift work; I can work full time and only have to this absurd routine a few days/ nights each week. Sometimes I get treated to 5 or 6 days off in a row, which is a huge plus. And, I can do whatever I fancy on weekdays, without the usual weekend crowds.

However, there are down sides. Nights- Ugh (Not so bad in a row, but after a mix of days and nights I’m bordering on psychotic). Planning on attending a group on the same day each week? Forget about it. Public holidays… Hm, what are they? Social life? PAH! Who needs one…

A long shift can either fly by (usually when you’re busy) or feel like it’s dragging into next week and like any work place, there are good days and bad. Having a good team around you helps, but sometimes you just have one of those days where, no matter what you all do, everything that could go wrong, will go wrong.

I know when I’ve had one of those days, because I get home and realise that I am entirely exhausted; mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I physically hurt; usually my head and my shoulders, from harbouring tension. I’m snappy, because I’ve used up all of my patience, empathy and compassion reserves, on my patients. I’m often hungry and dehydrated, because I’ve been snacking all day and haven’t stopped to have a proper meal. And more often than not, busting for the loo. I swear the bladder of a nurse can hold 2 litres more than average (though Anxiety would have you thinking otherwise).

But only when I really think about it, do I consider that it doesn’t have to be a bad day for me to feel like this afterwards. I have the honour of working with Military Veterans, living with mental health difficulties, including Anxiety Disorders, Depression and PTSD. I love my job. I can have the best day, successfully facilitate my groups, have lots of meaningful discussions and celebrate the gains that patients make in their therapy. But still get home, feeling the same way.

I thought about this after facilitating my Anxiety Management group. I like to use a glass to represent a person’s resilience and coping mechanism. First I add sand to represent early life, as certain childhood events will use up some of this space. I then add pebbles, to represent life events, such as marriage, bereavement, being made redundant. Finally, I add water, which represents negative self talk, thoughts and behaviours.

I ask how the glass of someone who has been in the Military might look different to a Civilians’ and usually, we agree that there would be a whole other layer, perhaps soil, representing Military training and Combat related experiences/ trauma.

The overall point of the exercise is to demonstrate that people do not have an infinite reserve of coping strategies and when our reserves run out, our glass will overflow and we will feel discontentment; Stress, Anxious, Depressed, even Suicidal. However, we can empty some of the contents of the glass, by ensuring there is an outlet. This might be, mindfulness, exercise, eating healthily, seeking help.

It makes me think. Working with this client group, with trauma; to be honest, any nursing setting, requires you to invest in your patients. Nurses are required to give so much of themselves, physically, mentally and emotionally and often, our own reserves are sacrificed, for the well being of patients. And it isn’t sustainable, which can leave you feeling burnt out.

Now this is the tricky bit… Having said all this and knowing what I know, have I put in place a proportionate outlet system, to balance this? Erm, no! Do I take the hour break to which I am entitled? No… I usually stay in the office eating snacks, looking at a computer screen instead! “I’ll just write up these notes”, “I could do that instead and it will free up my day tomorrow”, “It’s OK, I don’t need a break” “I don’t have time, there’s still so much to do”.

So here’s a message to anyone in a profession that involves working with people: We cannot continue to help others, if we do not help ourselves first! We are humans first, our profession second. I guess if it were a formula, it would look a bit like this:

Amount of mental, physical, emotional investment = Proportionate outlet, amount of self care required

I think I’ve finally cottoned on, to the fact that I am not a compassion machine with infinite reserves. The energy that fuels compassion is self care!

So, I’m going to take that hour in the day! I can eat, walk, meditate, listen to music, whatever! But I will turn off that computer, leave the office and make that hour my own. And if I feel burnt out at any point in the day, it’s OK for me to take myself away and enjoy a quiet moment, or talk to my Colleagues or ask for Supervision- that’s what it’s for. Being compassionate starts with me.

Published by kimulley

Hi there! I'm a registered mental health nurse from the UK. For many years now, I've battled Depression and Anxiety and fought my assumptions that I "should" be able to cope better given my profession and that this made me a failure. Slowly but surely, with the help of my colleagues, friends and family, I'm learning to be kinder to myself- I am a human, first. My hope for this blog is that I can use it to document my highs and my lows, as I embark on an experiment to make life a little better for myself, using the teachings from a fabulous book I read- 'Transforming Suffering into Peace, Joy and Liberation' by Thich Nhat Hanh. And if I manage to inspire a couple of others along the way, then it's all been worth while! I'm choosing transformation- Are you?

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21 thoughts on ““It’s OK, I wont have a break…””

  1. A beautiful read, always a treat in getting to know someone more around the Blogosphere. It is like a secret heaven, so many beautiful people with hearts like gem. I love the message you gave in there, it has merged well with my heart. Thank you. – Cezane

    Liked by 2 people

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    1. Thank you so much, that’s really kind. It’s such a treat isn’t it! So many interesting people with tales to tell- I’m quickly learning! So glad you enjoyed it. I am so looking forward to following your work, I appreciate your perspective.

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  2. The first readings left me exhausted from the haste that means doing this work. You really have to have a very wide physical and mental capacity to support it. In short, working with people requires having a big heart to provide emotional support. I admire that work. Well written history.

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    1. Thank you for your comment, I really appreciate that. Hope you’ve rested since reading it! The ‘Helping’ professions are not for everyone, but it’s where my heart lies 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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    1. No way! Sorry, I’ve just seen this in my spam folder! Ahh I’m so excited, I’ll need to read your post though as I don’t have a clue what it means haha. Thank you, that’s so awesome! 🙂

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  4. I appreciate you sharing some thoughts about your work. I am amazed by the work that the medical profession does each and every day. I have a brother-in-law who does trauma work as a doctor at a hospital in Maryland. He is in his early 60s, and he still manages to work a similar schedule as yours.

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    1. Sorry, just found this in my spam folder! Thank you for your comment 🙂 It’s a hard graft, but so worth it. Your bro in law sounds like he has it sussed! I haven’t quite managed a balance yet between work and play, which is probably why I’m feeling a little burnt out!

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      1. The one amazing plus is that we truly feel empathy for our clients and sometimes do ‘walk a mile in their shoes’. I no longer work in mental health but those skills help me so much with the general public at an international airport. If someone is going to have a psychotic break, it always seems to be at the information desk…

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  7. I find sociability to be finite too, for those with mental health issues who have to project false fronts it can be exhausting to keep the anti-social elements at bay
    Therefore the ability to remain socially presentable leaves you a bit short at the end of the day and not everyone in your life can take the full blast of a depressive spell or a stress vent when you need to unwind after playing the Saint

    But only God himself it seems can forgive when that idiot ignores the warning signs of you about the brake, and the cleaners do forgive as long as you clear up the pile of ashes where that idiot was standing!!

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    1. Absolutely get where you’re coming from- it’s so tiring! I also realise that sometimes I mask myself for the sake of others too, maybe out of politeness or to avoid others feeling awkward or like it’s a pity party up in here… Its a balance for me of learning when it’s reasonable to put up my boundaries and how to express this to others without getting to the point that I lose my shit!

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